the bitterSWEET state of being in a long distance relationship

the Back Story...

I met Brian back in high school where I regularly ogled over him with a school girl's crush and thought about just how handsome and charming he was. He was a year ahead of me in school and fortunately, I'd like to think due to my views of "timing is everything," we were both in what were "serious" relationships for high school. Nothing ever became of my crush (which if you know me, having a crush is comparable to breathing in my life) and that was that. I went off to college and began a larger, more exciting world of "dating."

He SWEARS nowadays that he visited Central Michigan, where I went to college for two years, and tried to contact me to potentially explore what could have become of us. We both might agree I was too caught up in the hype and excitement that was my life at CMU, that I don't remember his visit, or his call that he would be in the area. (I still think he's bluffing.)

enter Present Day.

I have been dating Brian for over a year due to "fate," or Mafia Wars, whichever you choose to believe in more. I live in Grand Rapids, MI and work for an advertising firm in Ada, which other than my soul-mate of a roommate whom I co-exist with beyond wonderfully, is the only thing that binds me to the geographic area.

Brian, however, lives in New Hudson, MI, five miles from where I grew up, that is plentiful with family and friends whom are very near to my heart. (This isn't to say I haven't met friends in West Michigan I will forever remember, or be a part of their lives- but the bulk of what made me and what influenced that, is back "home.") Brian works for an engineering firm located out of Southfield, MI, where he is employed, enjoys his job and to be quite honest, makes more money than I do. (This last point is ONLY relevant to planning a stable future.)

As Brian and I move closer and closer to the next steps in our lives, engagement, marriage, buying and house and creating a life of our own together, the obvious choice is back "home." It saddens me and excites me all in the same thought. My last four years of life have been in West Michigan, falling in love with the scenery, the accessibility, the commerce and the people I know and now rely on in my everyday troubles and triumphs.

black & White...

I've lived on my own, or with roommates, since 18, never having to answer to anybody else, or constantly let someone know my every move. I'm independent, stubborn and motivated to make an impact on someone, or something, in my quest for life. (Some of which often cause issues with learning to offer 50% of me and my efforts to another human.) I'm extremely sarcastic, quick-witted and thrive off "living on the edge," or being spontaneous. I grew up with a large group of close friends and family whom are always too loud, too animated and very dramatic in their story telling.

"B", as his friends and family call him, tends to be quieter, more reserved, and content with more private-style hangouts. He has a HUGE heart and is quite sensitive. He plans out his every move, calculates math quicker than my wit in his head, and tells long very detailed stories. He LOVES semantics and understanding how and why things work and happen. He has select close friends whom he enjoys one-on-one dinners, cocktails or coffee with and couldn't be more content with life.

So here we are, 150 miles apart on a daily basis, making two totally different worlds collide, and more often than not, through the receiver of the telephone. I couldn't tell you it's been easy getting here, and I'm not sure we're fully through the weeds yet either. We fight, we bicker, we have two totally different outlooks and approaches to life and it's occurrences. We often times want to strangle the other in between laughs. But that's what we do have... laughs.

I've never met another man in my life that can have me laughing like he does to me, and many would attest to me not being the easiest critic. He makes me whole world light up, comparable to a child on Christmas morning, and my smile bigger than ever before. He cares to "fight me for me," as he puts it, to enjoy more of the simple things in life, and not attempt to live at the speed of sound. (I would argue his hatred for my "abomination" of a smart phone attached to my hip tops the charts.) He calms me, he soothes me, and ironically, he understands me. He appreciates and supports my pursuit of my career, and what potential I may have. He believes in me as his partner in tackling life together, for what we both can hope is a very long time. He loves me. (Which if you ask my father, can be VERY difficult from time to time.)

So here I sit on a Sunday, writing, which I've become to know as a very calming activity. Out the porch you can see the snow falling and the sun setting. The anticipation of the upcoming holidays upon us can be seen all around our apartment in the stockings and bright lights. I'm drinking a cup of coffee and thinking of perhaps scrap-booking (my new found love) for an hour or two tonight. I've got my smart phone next to me, chiming with emails and notifications of the upcoming work week, which I will inevitably address tonight to ease my mind of all the possible 4th quarter ending chaos that may spring 8am EST tomorrow. But the best thing going on right now? The sleeping body in my bed in the next room, re-energizing himself after a long Sunday of church, shopping and lunch, before he drives back two hours to "home." I couldn't imagine my life without him. And I can't wait for the time to come where our lives collide on a daily basis. We can live, laugh, strangle and love all in person.

After all, timing IS everything. <3